Have you ever clung to a past win so hard that it becomes your whole identity? That was me. And it nearly cost me everything.
You know, that thing where you feel like you’re not good enough, like maybe you don’t deserve the place you’re in. Yeah, that’s Imposter Syndrome.
I was dealing with something much worse.
See, I had done amazing things before, I had achievements, and I had moments I was proud of. And then, instead of moving forward, I stayed there and kept on relishing those wins.
Telling myself that if I could do this and that, then I’m good.
I built a bubble and kept replaying them in my head like a broken record.
I kept telling myself, “This is who I am.”
But honestly, that was who I was. Past tense.
The world was moving.
People were evolving.
Even the earth was spinning.
I couldn’t even be bothered. I told myself stories that kept me comfortable. That comfort was killing me slowly.
Now, when you’re stuck in that bubble, you become a perfectionist.
You’re not striving for excellence, you’re just scared of starting again.
So you polish, maybe change a few things now and then, just to avoid putting something new out.
You take on projects, and then you stop halfway. You convince yourself that you’re growing, but you know deep down what’s happening.
Heck, you are too self-aware for that. You know you’re hiding.
Sometimes, you manage to create something good against all odds, and that little success keeps you in the loop even longer. You tell yourself that “you’ve still got it”. Lol, you’re stuck.
Then the part nobody likes to admit.
Jealousy.
You start seeing people who started way after you catching up. Some have even gone further. And it eats at you because you know it should have been you.
But it’s not. It can’t be you, you’re still very much holding on to old glory, and polishing old trophies. This phase is ugly, but it’s very real.
On the bright side, you can’t deny it anymore.
I once came across a line:
“The day you stop growing, you’re already dead.”
I don’t know why, maybe it was how the lady said it, but it shook me to my core. I wasn’t doubting myself. I wasn’t questioning whether I was good enough. I knew I was capable.
I just wasn’t moving.
That realization hurt more than impostor syndrome ever could.
When I look back at the years I wasted, I feel regret. I knew I could’ve done better, that I had so much potential.
But I chose comfort.
And regret is so heavy. It sits on your chest. You tell it to go, but it won’t budge. It follows you into every room and whispers in your ear every chance it gets.
I didn’t just waste time. I wasted myself.
This is the part people don’t tell you.
When you hide behind past glory, you become your own imposter.
One day, I just got tired. That was it. I was tired of everything: regret, excuses, shame. Everything.
I just needed to decide.
Right then and there, I wasn't gonna hide anymore, or keep drowning. And even if it’s messy and slow, even if no one cares or claps, I was going to keep moving.
Most days, it feels like I'm rolling a boulder up a hill, and it just comes back right down like that Greek myth, but it’s still better than sitting still and pretending.
So if this is you, just stop. I wish I had a system and checklist to hand over to you, but that’s really it.
Decide that you’re done hiding.
That today is the day, and back it up with action.
Not tomorrow, and definitely not when it’s perfect (This is an illusion)
Now.
Do it clumsy. Do it imperfect. Do it scared.
But make sure you do it.
Pick yourself and start again as many times as possible. Bet on yourself, and give everything you’ve got. Chase your dreams fiercely. Say you’ll do something and you actually do it.
Because the feeling of moving forward, even when nobody notices, will make you happier than anything else in this world. And once you taste it, you’ll never want to go back. I promise you.
I can’t explain it, you just have to see for yourself.